Can't shake the memories...

I had a doctor’s appointment and unfortunately for me my doctor’s office just happens to be at the same hospital that my mother passed away at.  Even though both my babies were born at this same hospital I was brought back to her last week and her last day.  Once again I could not help the overwhelming emotions of just being in the same place. 

My doctor’s office is not only at the same hospital but one floor above the Cancer Care Alliance and across from the ER where my mother was admitted for the last time.   

I wish I could come to this space where every day, life is brought into the world and not the last time I saw my mother.  The feeling when I saw my mom very still, no more air passing her lips, and the memory of my long walk out to my car for the last time.   It all came flooding back to me, it’s a heavy feeling. 

I thought it would be easier this time I mean I thought the hard part was over after I visited the nurses that took care of my mom.  I thought that was the toughest but this was just as hard, and my tears were just as wet and the emotions were just as strong.

Again I ask the question when will the memories of my mom’s last week be just a blip and not all I think about?  When will her life and years of happy memories take the front seat of my mind?