Every year people make resolutions to lose
weight, workout, and even go as far to join a gym. Rarely people make resolutions to take more
vacations, make a bucket list, or to make relationships stronger. For me 2011 started off by not making a
resolution but rather letting a resolution go.
I wanted to start off with a clean slate for myself I gave up on having
another baby, was already off fertility drugs and was giving away my piles and
buckets of bay clothes I had been holding onto.
At the end of 2008 on Christmas morning I lost the baby I so desperately
wanted. I had an ectopic pregnancy which
not only took my baby but cost me my left tube.
This particular death was so much more than a
death but would be a couple of years of turmoil, and emotional strain. This death was deeply personal it affected so
much of my life for so long and I had to go through the same emotions anyone
would have to go through when losing someone they love. Even though I never met this baby and many
would say it wasn’t a baby it was inside me and grew until it couldn’t and I
loved it or the idea of what it would have been.
For two years after the death of this baby I
planned my life around doctor’s appointments and fertility drugs but finally in
2011 I was ready to live again no more schedules, temperatures and no more
putting life on hold for what could be but rather living for what I had. It was time to clean out the stuff and that
was creating a mental block, and obsession.
While the loss was great and forever changed me
it was the news that was to come that would change my life forever and left me
lost and sad.
[For the full fertility story go to my other blog http://
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