My first memory of loss

Once we lose someone in our lives, everything changes.  What was a normal existence becomes what I call “a new normal.”  Holidays and celebrations are different, and when you go to make out celebratory cards you are reminded of your loss.  New Year’s resolution update address book more often. 

My earliest memory of loss is when I was young, maybe 5 years old and it was either my friend’s brother that drowned or my neighbor Mac whom was sick and died in his sleep.  Both deaths were surreal at that age and I can’t even remember how their absence was explained to me but I think I just knew nothing about the situations were business as usual.  I still have memories of my neighbor Mac because he had this glass peanut dispenser that he and I use to play games with. I would sneak some nuts and he would pretend he didn’t see me until just at the right moment when he would sneak up behind me.  I would scream like I had just been caught feeding the dog my vegetables under the dinner table and I remember doing this over and over again.  Years later when I was in my teens my neighbor Karen, Mac’s widow, had a garage sale and there sat that peanut dispenser when I brought up the old memory she handed it to me and to this day when I see the dispenser I am fondly reminded of Mac. 

It’s funny how precious memories can be preserved through objects, possessions or a simple song and how without things we might not even remember specific memories.